U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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