Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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