I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
