Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
