So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
