after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
