I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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