The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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