I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
