he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
