Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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