i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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