SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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