this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
