Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
The adults are the big ones right?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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