I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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