Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
