i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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