just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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