Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
