Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I wish i was in the wii world.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
