I smell stomach acid.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
