I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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