omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Drunk is not a location!
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