I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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