hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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