Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
God I need to hump something, right now.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
