Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
