i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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