her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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