he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
