I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
