I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
