Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
