Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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