Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
