Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
