i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
