It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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