Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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