toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
