you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
