I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
