I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
