Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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