I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
