Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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