What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
