It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
