In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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