He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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